Dear Friends,
I’ve decided to show a sample chapter of the manuscript I just sent out! Give it a quick read and let me know what you think? The formatting may be odd because word doc’s don’t like to paste in the way they were written, so ignore that.
<3
Me
Ps. The videos on my blog weren’t posted by me, they are ads… just thought I would let you know as I usually DO post videos. These ones don’t happen to be mine, though the preview is pretty cool!
Madison Murphy, Wisconsin Weirdo
Written By Jessica Gleason
Chapter 1
Well, it was official.
Madison Murphy was no longer privy to the lackadaisical lifestyle of a Wisconsin native. Not with her current…affliction, anyway.
It affected her appetite, temper, appearance and general outlook on life.
Madison Murphy was now a goddamn overweight weirdo with the ability to change into a stupid Siberian tiger at a moment’s notice-as if that was a useful skill. Maybe a fire-breathing dragon or a cute little pixy fairy…
But a Siberian tiger?
Not so much, especially in Wisconsin.
Like she didn’t feel out of place before her stupid blind date…this was all she needed, the ability to turn into a gigantic kitty cat every time she got upset. How was leaving the house even an option? Maybe for a milder mannered individual, but for Madison, it was a no go. She didn’t exactly need people turning their heads and staring because she was hacking up a hairball every 15 minutes. She got enough stares for being slightly overweight and was already self-conscious before the whole hairball debacle.
Perhaps she could just pack things up and go to Vegas in search of Sigfried and Roy. They could probably put a fat Siberian tiger to work or not? It’s not as if she was a particularly attractive kitty…
She shook her head and fought for a moment of sanity. There obviously wasn’t one coming, the only things she had were newly shredded curtains and an empty fish tank. Obviously, kitty had a very playful side; the fish probably hadn’t appreciated that.
Everything was so fucked up since last Friday night. It was amazing that the nice men in white coats hadn’t paid her a visit and hauled her off to the comforts of a round rubber room. Nothing made sense anymore and if she wasn’t a crackpot, then there was something very wrong with the world.
Her symptoms had become quite agitated since the arrival of her estranged one night stand.
She stopped and glared at the man sitting across the room in her favorite chair. This was all his fault; she had suspected it all along, but his appearance confirmed it. His light, quizzical look only made her want to slap him a bit harder. That is, until she started gagging on another hairball…a new side effect of her anger. The stomach ulcers were much better than hairballs, but she didn’t really have a choice in that matter anymore.
He had been a pity fuck. Whether he was the one that had taken pity on her or she was the one that had taken pity on him was inconsequential. She should have listened to her mother, “Don’t be a whore”, “You better be able to deal with the consequences of your actions!” Those words were swirling around in her head. Damn her mother for actually having given her some good advice.
“Madison, are you even listening to me?” He shouldn’t even be here, the stout balding man was quite possibly the most annoying person-thing that she had ever met.
She stopped pacing for a minute and looked at him wondering if he had said something. “You know, I don’t really feel like seeing you right now. I’m quite busy, so if you could possibly show yourself out and jump off a cliff, that would be great.” She held up her hand and gestured towards the front door. “See, door, over there. One foot in front of the other…”
“Madison, I think I need to talk to you about some things,” he edged with unsure words, looking at her with wide “puppy-dog” eyes. “Do you think you could just listen to me for a couple minutes? I promise I will leave you alone and never come back as long as you let me explain a few things to you. Really, it’s crucial.”
She stifled a cough that was probably going to produce another hairball. Well, she supposed she could listen; perhaps he had some sort of solution or cure for her current predicament. Still, she didn’t want to talk to him about that night.
Everything in her life had changed since then and not in a good way. She didn’t even know how to piece it all together.
Sarah had set her up on a blind date, much to Madison’s chagrin. But, Sarah was always sticking her nose in where it did not belong. Non-cooperation was not an option lest she be made to submit to something much more mortifying than a blind date.
Sarah strolled along with Madison to the café where she was to meet up with Harold as
she didn’t trust Madison to actually go on her own-good instincts on Sarah’s part.
Harold, really… this one is going to be a bigger winner than the last one. Harold is a stupid name, why do I let her drag me into these stupid situations. Harold. Gross!
Madison had been doing her best to feign interest in Harold the tax attorney. She probably wasn’t very convincing, but who would be convincing if they were being forced into a date with Harold the tax attorney?
The injustice of it all!
Madison was quite agitated by the time they arrived at the café. Sarah shoved her inside and pointed to the unattractive bald man sitting in the corner. Great, just great! He is worse than I had anticipated. Way to go Sarah…
“Madison, you go in there right now, or else!” she ordered. “Really, isn’t it bad enough having to look at what type of man you think I should be going on a date with, do I really have to eat with him?”
“Yes, you moron, you’re going and there’s nothing you can do about it.” Sarah snorted with a sense of finality before shoving Madison further into the café and then barricading the door.
Madison’s eye twitched while she glared at Sarah through the glass before finally turning around and heading for Mr. Not-even-good-enough-for-right-now. Madison knew that she wasn’t all that great too look at. She had eaten a few too many cupcakes and it showed right around her mid-section, but the fact that she was a chub, didn’t mean she should be set up with people that looked like Harold. Maybe someone in the funny-looking but charismatic category, like Zach Braff or even Kevin James!?
Madison made her way over to Harold’s table and sat herself down with a self-righteous thump. “Hey Harry, Madison, nice to meet you. How about heading to the bar for some drinks, my treat?” Harold, taken a bit aback by Madison’s abrupt arrival nodded his head in agreement and the two made a beeline for the door. He followed in Madison’s wake all the way down the street to the nearest bar. “I do actually prefer Harold,” he uttered in a voice that was barely above a whisper. Harold was lacking in the confidence department and in looking at him Madison understood why.
Still, he was not without his charms. After a few drinks he even started looking good. Madison made nice with Harold until she was good and hammered after which she decided it was a good idea for good ole’ Harry to come home with her. “So, Harry, how about going back to my place?”
Without waiting for his response, she grabbed him by the hand, paid the tab and then ushered him out the door. They caught a cab to Madison’s place and had all but ripped one another’s clothes off in the car. Alcohol was apparently a dangerous thing for Miss Madison Murphy.